Monday, March 15, 2010

New Mormon Classics #1 The Tender Mercies of the Lord-Elder Bednar

With conference approaching I thought its be a good idea to look back on some of the "Landmark" talks in Mormondom since I started to take the whole thing seriously, essentially from when President Hinckley was ordained prophet forward. I know we have the classics, such as President Benson's "Beware of Pride" or Bruce R. McConkie's final testimony, but looking at the time from 1995-Present I find some great talks that spoke to me when they were given, and still speak to me.

I start with Elder Bednar's
The Tender Mercies of the Lord. I was at BYU-Idaho for most of his tenure as president. Perhaps its because I knew his mannerisms so much, but I could feel his sincerity and humility concerning his new calling. I felt like he was a mentor, almost a father figure, and seeing him rise to the challenge of his new calling touched me. The mercies of God are so personal. They may seem like little things to others, but to us show God's love for us personally.

The Tender Mercies of the Lord














Elder David A. Bednar
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Click for audio

Six months ago, I stood at this pulpit for the first time as the newest member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Both then and even more so now, I have felt and feel the weight of the call to serve and of the responsibility to teach with clarity and to testify with authority. I pray for and invite the assistance of the Holy Ghost as I now speak with you.

This afternoon I want to describe and discuss a spiritual impression I received a few moments before I stepped to this pulpit during the Sunday morning session of general conference last October. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf had just finished speaking and had declared his powerful witness of the Savior. Then we all stood together to sing the intermediate hymn that previously had been announced by President Gordon B. Hinckley. The intermediate hymn that morning was "Redeemer of Israel" (Hymns, no. 6).

Now, the music for the various conference sessions had been determined many weeks before—and obviously long before my new call to serve. If, however, I had been invited to suggest an intermediate hymn for that particular session of the conference—a hymn that would have been both edifying and spiritually soothing for me and for the congregation before my first address in this Conference Center—I would have selected my favorite hymn, "Redeemer of Israel." Tears filled my eyes as I stood with you to sing that stirring hymn of the Restoration.

Near the conclusion of the singing, to my mind came this verse from the Book of Mormon: "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance" (1 Nephi 1:20).

My mind was drawn immediately to Nephi's phrase "the tender mercies of the Lord," and I knew in that very moment I was experiencing just such a tender mercy. A loving Savior was sending me a most personal and timely message of comfort and reassurance through a hymn selected weeks previously. Some may count this experience as simply a nice coincidence, but I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them.


What Are the Tender Mercies of the Lord?

Since last October I have reflected repeatedly upon the phrase "the tender mercies of the Lord." Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits "his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men" (D&C 46:15).

Recall how the Savior instructed His Apostles that He would not leave them comfortless. Not only would He send "another Comforter" (John 14:16), even the Holy Ghost, but the Savior said that He would come to them (see John 14:18). Let me suggest that one of the ways whereby the Savior comes to each of us is through His abundant and tender mercies. For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. Repentance and forgiveness of sins and peace of conscience are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. And the persistence and the fortitude that enable us to press forward with cheerfulness through physical limitations and spiritual difficulties are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord.

In a recent stake conference, the tender mercies of the Lord were evident in the touching testimony of a young wife and mother of four whose husband was slain in Iraq in December of 2003. This stalwart sister recounted how, after being notified of her husband's death, she received his Christmas card and message. In the midst of the abrupt reality of a dramatically altered life came to this good sister a timely and tender reminder that indeed families can be together forever. With permission I quote from that Christmas card:

"To the best family in the world! Have a great time together and remember the true meaning of Christmas! The Lord has made it possible for us to be together forever. So even when we are apart, we will still be together as a family.

"God bless and keep y'all safe and grant this Christmas to be our gift of love from us to Him above!!!

"All my love, Daddy and your loving husband!"

Clearly, the husband's reference to being apart in his Christmas greeting referred to the separation caused by his military assignment. But to this sister, as a voice from the dust from a departed eternal companion and father, came a most needed spiritual reassurance and witness. As I indicated earlier, the Lord's tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings.

Some time ago I spoke with a priesthood leader who was prompted to memorize the names of all of the youth ages 13 to 21 in his stake. Using snapshots of the young men and women, he created flash cards that he reviewed while traveling on business and at other times. This priesthood leader quickly learned all of the names of the youth.

One night the priesthood leader had a dream about one of the young men whom he knew only from a picture. In the dream he saw the young man dressed in a white shirt and wearing a missionary name tag. With a companion seated at his side, the young man was teaching a family. The young man held the Book of Mormon in his hand, and he looked as if he were testifying of the truthfulness of the book. The priesthood leader then awoke from his dream.

At an ensuing priesthood gathering, the leader approached the young man he had seen in his dream and asked to talk with him for a few minutes. After a brief introduction, the leader called the young man by name and said: "I am not a dreamer. I have never had a dream about a single member of this stake, except for you. I am going to tell you about my dream, and then I would like you to help me understand what it means."

The priesthood leader recounted the dream and asked the young man about its meaning. Choking with emotion, the young man simply replied, "It means God knows who I am." The remainder of the conversation between this young man and his priesthood leader was most meaningful, and they agreed to meet and counsel together from time to time during the following months.

That young man received the Lord's tender mercies through an inspired priesthood leader. I repeat again, the Lord's tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness and obedience enable us to receive these important gifts and, frequently, the Lord's timing helps us to recognize them.

We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord's tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Nephi 1:20).


Who Are They Whom the Lord Has Chosen to Receive His Tender Mercies?

The word chosen in 1 Nephi 1:20 is central to understanding the concept of the Lord's tender mercies. The dictionary indicates that chosen suggests one who is selected, taken by preference, or picked out. It also can be used to refer to the elect or chosen of God (Oxford English Dictionary Online, second ed. [1989], "Chosen").

Some individuals who hear or read this message erroneously may discount or dismiss in their personal lives the availability of the tender mercies of the Lord, believing that "I certainly am not one who has been or ever will be chosen." We may falsely think that such blessings and gifts are reserved for other people who appear to be more righteous or who serve in visible Church callings. I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us.

To be or to become chosen is not an exclusive status conferred upon us. Rather, you and I ultimately determine if we are chosen. Please now note the use of the word chosen in the following verses from the Doctrine and Covenants:

"Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

"Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men" (D&C 121:34–35; emphasis added).

I believe the implication of these verses is quite straightforward. God does not have a list of favorites to which we must hope our names will someday be added. He does not limit "the chosen" to a restricted few. Rather, it is our hearts and our aspirations and our obedience which definitively determine whether we are counted as one of God's chosen.

Enoch was instructed by the Lord on this very point of doctrine. Please note the use of the word choose in these verses: "Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;

"And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father" (Moses 7:32–33; emphasis added).

As we learn in these scriptures, the fundamental purposes for the gift of agency were to love one another and to choose God. Thus we become God's chosen and invite His tender mercies as we use our agency to choose God.

One of the most well-known and frequently cited passages of scripture is found in Moses 1:39. This verse clearly and concisely describes the work of the Eternal Father: "For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (emphasis added).

A companion scripture found in the Doctrine and Covenants describes with equal clarity and conciseness our primary work as the sons and daughters of the Eternal Father. Interestingly, this verse does not seem to be as well known and is not quoted with great frequency. "Behold, this is your work, to keep my commandments, yea, with all your might, mind and strength" (D&C 11:20; emphasis added).

Thus, the Father's work is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of His children. Our work is to keep His commandments with all of our might, mind, and strength—and we thereby become chosen and, through the Holy Ghost, receive and recognize the tender mercies of the Lord in our daily lives.

The very conference in which we are participating this weekend is yet another example of the Lord's tender mercies. We have been blessed to receive inspired counsel from the leaders of the Savior's Church—timely counsel for our day and for our circumstances and for our challenges. We have been instructed, lifted, edified, called to repentance, and strengthened. The spirit of this conference has fortified our faith and fueled our desire to repent, to obey, to improve, and to serve. Like you, I am eager to now act upon the reminders, counsel, and personal inspiration with which we have been blessed during this conference. And in just a few moments each of us will receive one of the Lord's tender mercies as we hear the concluding remarks and testimony of President Gordon B. Hinckley. Truly, "the Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works" (Psalm 145:9).

I am thankful for the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ through the Prophet Joseph Smith and for the knowledge we have today about the Lord's tender mercies. Our desires, faithfulness, and obedience invite and help us to discern His mercies in our lives. As one of His servants, I declare my witness that Jesus is the Christ, our Redeemer and our Savior. I know that He lives and that His tender mercies are available to all of us. Each of us can have eyes to see clearly and ears to hear distinctly the tender mercies of the Lord as they strengthen and assist us in these latter days. May our hearts always be filled with gratitude for His abundant and tender mercies. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Surupy serum of forbiden joy

Yeah, That's how I describe the feelings of SSA. Now time to go increase my chance of diabetes by eating some candy.(literally)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

There is a God, and His name is Wonderful

Well, it appears that God does care about me. For the last few days I’ve been having this feeling that I need to tell my friend Dan about my struggles. Dan is probably my best friend I’ve made since high school. I met him a couple years ago in my ward and we served in FHE, now we work together in activities. Dan really wanted me to move in with him last semester, but I didn’t mostly because I was afraid of my attraction for him.

Anyways the last few days have been really rough for me. I posted about my dream, and the anxiety and self-hatred has been at its highest level in months. Work has been torture. Basically everything has been sucking.

Dan has made me his project—in a good way. He is always encouraging me in my dating, and we have a ton of fun together. When came back from being in Mexico for four months, he saw that I had gained a lot of weight, and kept working on me ‘til I accepted to play racquetball with him each week. Really Dan has been a great friend. The thing I value most about Dan is how he pushes me to become more than I am. He doesn’t shy away from telling me I really don’t need that second donut, or that its been a while since I’ve gone to the temple.

So today I sent Dan a chat message, asking if he would give me a blessing. I figured I needed the help for all the depression and anxiety I’ve been going through. Plus I’ve been feeling week in the gospel. He replied, “Sure, but lets go to the temple first.” So we went to the Provo temple and had a good time doing initiatories. I was already feeling a little better. Then we went back to his place. He asked what the deal was and I first mentioned my anxiety and depression, and how tough it had been. We talked about that. Then it took forever, but I finally told him about my same gender attraction, and how it tied into it all.

To Dan’s credit, he didn’t wince, or act shocked at all. He told me about his dating relationships class, where they listed all their relationships and had to choose one to work on this semester. The one he chose was me. God was preparing both of us for this. He had already set some goals of going to the temple once a week together, working out during the week, and going on one double date a month. I agreed to all these. So much pressure had been released. God had a hand in this on both sides. He asked if the way we always talked about girls made it tough. I told him I liked it, and needed help figuring out women. Then he gave me the blessing.

I haven’t made a friend like Dan in the last ten years. But God prepared a friend for me, now in one of the hardest times of my life. God really does bless us, and watch over us. I don’t know why I’ve fought this for ten years, and how much longer I’ll have to, but God’s hand is in it, and I thank him for it.

I’m grateful for a God who knows every aspect of my life. I’m thankful for a God who sends people into my introverted life to help me. And I’m thankful for a friend who, instead of being permissive, sees my potential as God’s son and encourages me to reach for it.

PS I know I have yet to blog on how my talk went with my parents. Its coming. I think.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I want to live!

I should have written this up this morning right after it happened, but I'm lazy, now I've forgotten some of the dream, But I think i remember enough.

As a preface to the dream, last night I had a pretty bad anxiety attack. I was in my car heading to ward FHE, and the circular negative thoughts started to intensify. It was like a teatherball kept passing through my head, each hit was thoughts of, "you fag" or other negative things. I started to shake and convulse as thoughts of me having sex with some of my good straight friends pounded into my head. I couldn't stop them, so I writhed in my reclined car seat for a while.

I finally made it into fhe at the church, but went to straight to an empty room, set up some chairs and laid there with the lights off. Once I got settled down I went and played dodgeball. Best part of the last 24 hours.

I'm sure the break down had an effect on this dream. I remember in the dream hating my homosexual feelings. Walking around trying to figure out what to do. Lots of people told me to give in, that I would never be happy if I didn't and I would end up killing myself. I didn't want to ,but they persisted.
So then I went to people who would encourage me not to give in, my family and freinds. I mentioned the idea of suicide and they seemed to think it was a good idea, that if I killed myself I would be free of the pain. Religious leaders even said I would be free of the same gender attraction after I left this life.
Eventually I found myself on the edge of a large bottomless pit. It was black, but had a swirling vortex in it. I saw things sucked into it, into oblivion. I was seriously contemplated ending it all, and jumping into the pit. I knew if I did things would be better. I was afraid of what God would think, I asked Him. He said i could do it that everything would be ok if I did.

There I was on the edge of the vortex, everyone in the world, and the world beyond said I should do it. then I thought of my life. I thought of the joy I have with my family. I thought of the family I believe awaits me in this life. I thought of the potential I have to acheive all my other goals. The joy in life, that we forget about when we are in the midst of trials. I yelled to the throngs around the pit who waited to see what I would do, "I want to live" and walked away.

More happened in the dream, but I don't remember it clearly. I think i went to all my friends and family and told them why I wanted to live

I WANT TO BE CLEAR. I don't think this was a vison, I think it was just my mind trying to figure out what it wants. But I've decided, even with the crappiness of depression, anxiety and loneliness. I want to live! and I will.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Note from dad. Sexual attraction is not the most important past of a marriage. Love and service is.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Tellin my parents

I'm tellin my parents tommorrow. I think it'll go fine, but if anyone feels like praying that it will, i'd appreciate it.

Jake