1-2-3

The ones like the twos. The twos like the ones. The cleave to each other like silverware stacked in a drawer. 

They think I'm a one. Most do. But I'm a three. I walk past twos and ones all day. I like the ones. But they don't like me. They like the twos. Some twos like me but I don't like them. 

Then one day out of the ocean of ones I found another three. Then I realized we all had been hiding among the ones. The odds were never in my favor but just knowing that in the sandy beaches of ones a few threes hid, made it bare able. I can never tell if someone is a three or a one. But I can hope. 

So which number are you?

Lost Retreat

There is a place with peaceful breeze; a clearing rounded by ancient trees. A place where streams run clear and deep.  A place where peaceful is my sleep.

There is a place set in my soul. A place where I don't often go.  Where gay and Mormon are well known friends.  A place where the bitterness is end.

I'd like to go to this forest retreat.  I'd like to see those old friends meet.  I'd hear them share their hidden fears.  I'd see them hug through joyful tears.  My soul has the map but I cannot see the path to get there through the tree. But I know a place does exist.  And it's a place I sorely miss.

If you find the way will you take me there?   So I may partake in the peaceful fair.  This battle makes my heart weary.  This battle makes it hard to see that someday I will find the path.  And no longer will I have to ask how a man can be both Mormon and gay.  For God will show me the gentle way.   The scars of battle may form the map....  how did I never think of that.

Response

While it is true I have affinity for glorious masculinity I don't think you can get rid of me without approaching divinity who will rebuke your bigotry and years of bitter enmity and when we see electricity no doubt you think it aims for me but cut short you despotic glee for the smoke shall issue forth from thee

Letter to a Friend's Girlfriend

I send a request without hope of redress  that you may have some mercy.

You own the  heart of a man I care for.  we were just friends but I had settled for that tiny sliver of my yearning.

In the times of lower conscious he is so much more but I knew he wouldn't give it to me I was a magnet he is just a piece of iron. But I was fine with just friendship and then you came in and took it like  ten thousand women before you, you've taken my friend's attention.

You two are compatible; the magnetism goes both ways. I don't want to deny my friend a match.  I cannot and  our unspoken agreement was just for friendship after all.

But I would hope every now and then you could enjoy a night out with the girls and I could have my friend again. it's in your hands I know I can't win this fight so  I just beg  for Mercy.

 Even the dogs sometimes getting scraps from the table.

Gay man; Straight Mormon

Gay man, conservative mormon.  Our labels say we should hate.

Gay man, lonely.   Needing a way to fill time.

Straight friend.   Can i say that?   You don't care that i find that guy hot?

Oh my did you just say that.  I should be offended, but I'm not.

It's funny.  They said all i wanted was a man I could kiss.   But i found a friend and the sex wasn't missed.

What they hell. I am at peace here.   It's not like I've changed my loves.  But i found something totally different.  A brother, who liked who i was.

Gay man,  straight mormon.  Somehow this healed my wounds.  

Gay man; straight mormon.   You left so soon.

Frisbee, cemeteries and holes in the ground. The good old out of doors

Games, movies, and fish raw.  The things indoor.

Gay man.  Straight mormon.  Our labels can go to hell.  

You don't care if I'm fat or ugly.   You don't care if i like to swear.

Was it your God or mine that made us friends.  I guess it might be the same after all.

Gay man, straight mormon.   Fu-- eff them we'll just be bros.

The hole you left is painful.  .  I don't have a rush to close it.   It doesn't need to heal.

Bro-man.  Bro-man.  I'll reserve a part of my heart.   Someday i may find a lover. But he doesn't get that part. 

A few random short word combos

There is a hidden Corner in the nethers of my mind. A dark dank hole of comfort where I will often climb. It's air is stank and musty. it's chairs will comfort none. But this is where I choose to go when facing anyone. The lion we know May tear our soul and maul our oft scarred skin but he is the case I'd rather face than his foreign beastly kin. Pain is comfort when we know the ends of its sharp daggers. More pleasing to know then some new foe who carries fortune or leaves us in tatters

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Here is your horse.   Train it.  Ride it.  Kill it. 

Here is a bridle.  No you fool do not stick it in the mouth make a noose.  Choke it out. 


There there. Good.   Your horse lies dead.  What a good boy.   

Damn.   It awakes.    It's immortal 

------------------------------------

Ahh.  I see you have a beautiful black stallion.  You have taken such good care of it.  You must be proud.  

"But no. My horse is this white stallion over here."

My boy I am so proud of you. Look at the sheen on its black coat.   So perfect.   So strong.  Look at it's muscles. 

"No don't you listen. I have this white Stallion. I take it out riding every day and I feed it and I brush it and I love it so"

Ah the black mane.  There is no fear in the eyes of this prime specimen.  

"Listen to me!  LISTEN! That is my brothers horse.  Look at mine. I have worked so hard on it.  Be proud of me"


Oh. Well.  It is white.   I do not like to look at such beasts.   It's defective.  It's coat will pick up dust.   I'm sorry son. The only thing to do with your horse is make it a gelding.  We'll do it right away.

Hoops for Jumping

You taught me how to shoot hoops since I was two

Love the game it’s just what our people  do

Early morning in that cold church wood floor court

Ball bounces the words we spoke

Wasn’t the best, but I made the team

8^th grade, locker room full of steam

Why do I look at my friends that way

Quick look down, who knows what they’ll say

I learned all the loves from the family

To drive and dish and be so manly

But the details started emerging

What’s this feeling? What’s this yearning

His name was clark and he had a dark tanned back

Smile so sweet, and not an ounce of fat

When I defended him it was so very nice

Locker room sweat was my favorite spice.

What kind of freak am I with this feeling

What are these creepy glances that I’m stealing

If I would just make out with that chick named Kelly

The the flow’r would grow inside my belly

How couldn’t I see what I was inside

How did my young mind know what to hide

How was I ignorant of what I was

Staring in class at his awesome buzz

High school came, lettered in Football Hoops and track

Pres of the school, was joe cool, that’s a fact

After I graduated came the fall

When I realized the meaning of it all.

So I just like guys, like they like girls

Seems so nasty, breaks all the rules

But it fits right into my story

At least I found out before I’m forty

Years later I’m still full of the self hate

Decades and I still haven’t done a date

Is it training or some holy call

That keeps me standing counting stalls

I don’t know what to do, or where to turn to

Dad taught me all the rules but I burn to

Have a friend, a pal, and prime confidant

The memories still at night haunt.

Have I thrown enough days away

Are there games still to learn to play

Ladders to run on an cold gym floor

Workout with music until I’m sore.

This is halftime.   I don’t know where I’ll

End up next quarter, it may be foul

What game is this that I’ve been playing

Which coach to listen to what they’re saying

This is half time I don’t know where I’ll

End up next quarter, it may be foul

Which game is it that I’ve been playing

What coach should I listen to what they’re saying