i.F. Fireside followup

Chat from June with a straight friend about the Idaho Falls Fireside. He has been a good support through all this

1:32 PM me: dude, east idaho had a SGA (same gender attraction) fireside last night

i went with my parents

it was good

1:33 PM friend: right

how was that bro?

me: pretty good. right when i got outta the care I ran into a family from my home ward. so i guess the secret is out,

1:34 PM they're son is 19 and spent about 8 months doing the whole gay thing

but is trying to come back

friend: no mish then for him?

me: well, it might be possible

friend: dude, i'm sure they aren't gonna go spreadin the word

for all they know, ur there to help somone not even neccesarily urself u know

1:35 PM me: well, he is my youngest bros friend

friend: did they ask about it?

me: no, not really

but you know, i figured this might happen.

friend: ya

oh well

me: the fireside was 2.5 hours long

friend: life goes on u know

wow

me: that's what i say oh weell

friend: long indeed

did u feel like u guys learned som stuff

1:36 PM u know, ur life goes on

me: i learned a little, i think my parents and others that done' deal with it leanred a lot more

friend: good

me: for me it was kinda SGA 101, and i've already got an associates

friend: that's what u wanted

me: yeah. we broke into groups, leaders, freinds/fam, men with it, women with it

1:38 PM my parents went to the leadership one, it was good. I wish they could have gone to the friends/fam one, cause the couple who do firesides down her ran that one

1:39 PM their son commited suicide

from what i hear it was way powerful

friend: that's cool

me: cause the way i see it with sga there are two main challenges.

friend: wow

me: the obvious one is the temptation to go sleep with men

1:40 PM the second is the depression, and self hate that most of us feel, becuase everyone thinks we chose to bo this way and we're some sort of freak

you gotta overcome both of those

1:41 PM and i think the church members need to do a lot more to help kids with this.

friend: right

me: cuase not all of them make it out of it

friend: what can they do?

me: don't make it such a deseise

friend: ya

me: like my mom doesn't want my bro to be seen with his friend that deals with this

1:42 PM becuase then people with think my bro is gay

and seriously don't we need to cut the "that's so gay" jokes

i know i say them too

but it hurts people

friend: ya

1:43 PM i guess whenever I say "that's so gay" it doesn't man it's literally gay but rather "that's so stupid or dumb" u know

me: it really comes down to having our love of people overcome the sickenss people feel when they think about sga

and i know that. I can deal with it, but alot of peole can't

friend: ya

for sure

1:44 PM me: because the gay community says to people like me, come on we love you.

friend: ya thats lame

me: and sometimes it seems like the church membership says,
"get away you deviant"

1:45 PM friend: they problem they dont understand is that givin in to something like that is on the same level of badness as a man that has sex w/ women he's not married too

me: yeah, it just like adultry

not worse,

friend: ya i guess it's one thing that is super tough for people to understand

1:46 PM me: yeah, and i don't blame them. I know the idea grosses people out

friend: for sure

me: it'll take alot of doing for us to get where people feel comfortable around us

1:47 PM and i think part of it, may be people like me being open about it

friend: open about it but acknowledging that u aren't giving into it

1:48 PM me: yeah, and both the Sga people and the straight people need to realize its just part of the person

not the whole thing

friend: ya

me: so you don't want to be identified as "that gay guy"

but as Me

friend: but it's not like it's the kind of thing that hasn't been around for a long time tho u know

1:49 PM right

me: who plays frisbee,eats to much, loves mario kart, and is attracted to men.

you '

re right

i don't know why it is more of a problem now. Part of it is how big of a deal it is in society

friend: i think it has a bad rap especially is cuz of all the flamin gays that are just as bad or worse then the loudest anti gay lobbiest u know

1:50 PM me: oh yeah, i hear ya

those gusy suck

and they want to be seperate from everyone

they don't want to fit in

they're inspired by the devil.

1:51 PM friend: ya

and they give the rest of the group a bad name

me: for sure.

1:52 PM a guy last night compared it to adam and eve in the garden

After they ate the fruit, satan tried to shame them.

he told them to hide

friend: ya

me: then God told them to come forth

and not be proud of the transgression,

1:53 PM but not to be shamed into hiding either

both pride and shame don't work with this

even though for many it isn't a sin

friend: ya as long as they don't give in

1:54 PM me: yeah,

friend: just like if anyone has a bad thot

they can't let it remain in their mind

me: yeah, for sure

friend: gotta change what's goin on on the stage of their mind

1:55 PM me: yeah just like all those talks when we were teenagers

friend: cuz like in my situation, it's easy for me to think of what it would be like if (redacted) and I were married u know

and some of those thots r ok

me: yeah, but the ones that arouse stuff, you gotta put off

friend: some of them u shouldn't ponder much until ur married u know!

me: yeah

1:56 PM friend: ya

cuz u can't fulfill them so why waste ur time with them

me: yep. exactly

friend: it's like gettin all excited to go play some sport but knowing beforehand that u can't play

1:57 PM me: yeah, no need to do it

friend: no point in even gettin excited about it cuz it ain't happenin!

so we all have our temptations

me: yeah we do. they did talk a little about how marraige can work for us

that was cool, i wish they would have talked more.

1:58 PM friend: ya

maybe they've written more about it

me: basically, its a deal where you develop the relationship, and then the intimacy comes later

because you know the person so well.

friend: interesting

1:59 PM ya

me: kinda the reverse of how it can happen for you guys

i mean the desire for intamcy doesn't even come until you really know and care about the person

friend: for sure attraction comes first

the whole reason i ask a girl out in the beginning

me: yeah, you have the whole sexual tension thing

2:00 PM friend: always

lol

me: which is good, its there to make ya want to be with the women

friend: especially since (redacted) is a babe

me: yeah she is.

the SGA is almost always there for the whole life, so i can't expect it do leave,

but i can expect to manage it

2:01 PM my parents heard that part

i was glad for that

friend: interesting

2:03 PM get them on the same page as u

2:07 PM me: yeah, cause its hard for me to get through to them sometimes

like they just want to fix it for me, so they need to tell me instead of the other way around

not in a bad way, but its like that sometimes

2:08 PM so when they hear from stake presidents and bishops and stuff, it helps.

friend: ya i hear ya

me: plus the spirit was pretty strong last night

friend: just gotta understand that it's not something that u can just "fix"

2:09 PM me: yeah, it i thought I could grow outta it or pray and fast, but I think its my life long companion

friend: ya

me: but if God ever wants to take it fine with me

friend: tough but could b the case

2:10 PM haha

seriously

2:11 PM me: anyways, a really good thing overall. dude, you mind if I post this on my blog? i'll taek your name out

2:12 PM friend: which thing?

2:13 PM me: just our talk. i wanted to put a recap of the conference up. and i've said pretty much all of it here. It'd be on my secret blog, not this one

(redacted)

friend: that's fine

2:14 PM ya, without a name on it it can't do any harm

2:19 PM me: yeah, you know, i got a lot of that from yesterday

i'm feeling a ton more optomistic then i am sometimes

friend: good

2:20 PM plus, Brazil just won

3-0 baby

me: yeah buddy, they kiled them

2:22 PM friend: sweet

2:24 PM me: man, good stuff. i think i gotta talk to my siblings this week, and take things to the next level with that girl.

friend: u ready for this jiggs?

ur siblings dont know right?

2:25 PM and what's the next level with That girl brotha?

me: no they don't, but 7 people from (hometown) saw me that i know about. its better for me to tell them then the kid down the street

2:26 PM well probably being more serious, more date type things with (a certain girl)

friend: ya man, that's true

that's cool bro

i hope u guys enjoy it!

2:27 PM me: yeah, it'll be fun.

friend: u got anything planned right now?

2:28 PM me: no, she has really wanted to watch this chick flick, so i guess that'll be on for tomorrow after instittue

friend: haha

2:29 PM ya bro

gotta hit it up!

maybe a little fun snugglage

dont have to kiss her or anything

me: yeah, dude, i might try it. who konws

friend: just maybe some side body contact!

gotta start somewhere!

me: yeah, can probably get that going

2:30 PM friend: geterdone son!

2:31 PM me: i'll let you know how it goes

friend: ok doke

get some work in now

me: k, good talking to ya

friend: aight

take it easy

lata

2:32 PM me: cya