It might be weird to think about progress in light of my post yesterday. But let me point out a few areas i have progressed in.
So I had a major depressive episode that climaxed yesterday. I've had them before, probably will have them again. And while i didn't handle it perfectly, i handled it much better than before.
1st, i didn't keep it all in. Shame relies on isolation, at least for me. I told my NS friends, my sports boards friends, my blog friends, and my real life friends. In the past it would have been kept deep inside. now I have many people who have reached out to me. I feel much better. Indy and I had a long chat yesterday. So nice to have a friend to rely on.
2nd. I didn't try to dull or escape the pain unhealthily. Wednesday night I could feel the urge to get dull the pain in non constructive ways. I took my computer power cord and gave it to a friend. I tried to stay busy cleaning the apartment. I did not give in to the internet, self abuse, or even binge eating. I did eat a lot at a party, but that's normal, and another thing to work on.
3rd. I tried to do things to feel better. Listened to some "real men of genius" great comedy. went and did some temple work. Prayed, invited friends over for X files, had monkey war, played New Super Mario Bros Wii with friends. All these things helped a ton.
There are things I should do that I didn't. I could be proactive in seeking help. Exercise really helps me. And removing the stress. Sure this ended up being about me and SGA, but it really started with stress, the stress came from work. And in this case the work stress was avoidable. I need to minimize the stress in my life, or at least not create more.
Anyway. There you go. feeling better. Glad to be here. Thank you EVERYONE for your support.
j4k
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glad you are here, too!
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on feeling better. Congratulations, too, on all the positives you place in your path to help bring some light into the darkness.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I've been there many times myself. I spent five miserable years clinically depressed. Most of my depression was a result from anxiety at work and other situations. I haven't read through all your posts, but if you're not on meds, get some from your doctor. Depression is a treatable illness, just like any other debilitating and life threatening illness (cancer, diabetes). Oh, and God loves you no matter what (that's what unconditional love is).
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