Dear 20 Year old me

Dear 20 year old me

I’m sorry man, but this has to stop.

I know you’re still inside me.  I feel your  fear whenever I try to deal with my ssa.  I know this isn’t what you thought life was going to be.  We promised to take this secret to our graves.  That no one would know, not now not ever. 

And I’ve broken that promise.  I’m sorry, but it was painful.  Keeping this all bottled up.  It’s been almost 4 years since I told my first friend, except for bishops or counselors.  It was hard but worth it.

I don’t want to have to fight you.  I realize my opinions have changed.  But I need you to get on board with this. Bet on board with the idea that it’s ok to talk to people about this, that it’s ok to seek help.  That it’s ok to have friends.

Look I know there are things to be careful about.  And concerns are good, but the path of isolation isn’t what God wants.  And isn’t that what led us to make that promise.  We thought God would cure us, save us, take this ugly thing away from us.

But he hasn’t, he might not ever take it away while we’re alive.

And so that means we need to find out how he wants us to deal with it, and…sorry buddy, but he doesn’t want us to be alone.  There are so many other people who have gone through what we are.  Why wouldn’t he want us to get strength from them.

So buddy, I know this is hard, but her are a few new promises I make to you.

God lives.  He loves us. 

We’re gonna stay in His Church, cause it is true.  Don’t worry buddy we’re not leaving it.

We’re gonna keep the law of chastity.

We’re gonna stay close to our family

We’re gonna get strength from friends, who deal with this and who may not.

And after all, isn’t that the important stuff.  We’ve changed a lot, we can’t hate gay people bro.  I don’t, and well, the part of you who does, has got to stay in the past.  It wasn’t a good part.   And you certainly can’t hate me.  K

This is a journey, and with all journeys there is some uncertainty.  I don’t know exactly how we’ll deal with this, but we’ll keep our promises.  Cause God loves us.  And those are the important ones.

Sincerly, 

Present Me

PS, We probably need to tell our family, but present me isn’t there yet.  We’ll let future us take care of that one.

PSS love ya bud.