Consider if you will two very different high school
experiences.
John lay on his
bed. Alone. The twilight light seeping in the
window cast a grey pall over the room.
The tension in his chest wanted to rip the sternum apart.
Why! Why. Why do I feel this way. Why. I should
be normal. I should be happy. I should have people I can call, that I
can tell about this. I don’t want
to exist. I don’t want to be
here. I hate it. F--k it all. I hate it. It’s
pointless. I’ll text Shawn. See how that goes. Maybe he wants to do something. Eff it.
The room was dark, but full of hidden excitement.
Any moment Jack would walk in the door. Streamers adorned the ceiling
waiting to be
illuminated by the light as soon as Jack walked in the door. Spencer
stood by the stereo. Ready to blast the music. Katie, hid just out of
sight in the
study, ready to give him the best birthday kiss any boy had ever
experienced. Troy kept sneaking Doritos, the
crunching chips the only noise in the living room.
All told 14 people waited in the darkness. Waited to give Jack the happiest
birthday they could muster. Any
minute he’d be here. Any minute the
party would commence.
John didn’t cry. He stared at the text screen. Someone, anyone would want to hang out
. What was the point
anyway? Hang out for a few
minutes. A couple hours of fun,
then back to loneliness. Back to
the room. Back to the tempest in
his mind. Whirling, beating violent thoughts into his soul. What had he done to give place to his enemy
in his head. Why was it
there. Faggot, queer,
F--king loser. It repeated over and over. Food, friends, making out, all offered temporary
reprieve. But why, at what
point. Where was the meaning.
Still no
response.
John threw the phone against
the wall. The screen might have
cracked. Oh well. Fuck it all.
In the corner rested a
gun. A 12 gauge Mossberg. How many times had John thought of
it. How many times had he wondered
if it would provide peace. He knew
the place to put it. His arms were
just long enough to hold it in place.
Any moment the party would start. Three more had shown up unexpectedly, but they were
welcome. The dip was so
tempting. The cookies so
exciting. Troy, quietly worked on
opening the Oreos.
A car drove up.
Silence. The
suspense was great. All eyes on
the door. Waiting to love their
friend.
But before the door opened, a strange noise came from
upstairs. A sudden noise. Like a firecracker.
-----
John “Jack” Beckstrand. 18 died Friday night.
Student Body President, Captain of the football team,
brother, son, friend. He was
always happy. Willing to crack a
joke to lighten the mood. He was
An eagle scout, and sometimes
flirted with the Honor Roll.
He was suddenly taken from us. While we do not know why, we know he is in the loving
embrace of the Savior. Services
will be at the Old Tabernacle Wednesday at noon. In lue of flowers the family has asked that a donation be
made to the United Way.
:(
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