I wish my brain worked.
What would it be like to have a functioning brain.
Last night I had put together a friend outing to Buffalo
Wild Wings. We gathered talked.
Had fun catching up.
But after we’d ordered food.
I got nervous. Decided I was
gonna step away from the table for a bit.
Ended up walking out of the restaurant. Being anxious around
the corner for a while. Thinking I’d go
back in. But I didn’t. I couldn’t get myself to go back in. So I texted a friend that I’d pay him back
for the food, and left. I had friends
text me. I deflected their attempts to
help me.
Now I was mad at myself for leaving an event I planned and
had looked forward to all weak. I
yelled, hit myself, and had small flashes of desire to wreck my car.
I finally got a little less insane, and was embarrassed that
I’d just left the group. Sat in my car,
trying to get comfortable enough to go back in, then I figured it was too long
anyway. Found a Cool diner called the One
Man Band to eat at. You order your food
via phone from your table. Then I went
home.
I hate myself, I hate
the way my brain works. I hate being
broken.
Very few people on this planet don't do something a little out-of-the ordinary from time-to-time. Sounds like you had a good friend in place to cover the bill. And by writing about it you can claim that you've purged your soul. Hope you'll make that claim.
ReplyDeleteVery few people on this planet escape a bout with intense anxiety from time-to-time. Glad you wrote about it. Now you can claim you've purged your soul. Hope you'll make that claim.
ReplyDeleteYour brain works just fine. It's your MIND that's the problem (and don't beat yourself up about it, we all have that same problem). ;-)
ReplyDelete