Out Out Damn Bigot

If they knew I was gay they would mock and defame.  They would add in derision when they speak my name. They would turn away quickly and always despise.  They would glance at anything other than my faggity eyes.  They would hate me and worse they would make me cast out. They would forget our old friendships they lip would remain stout.

Except. They do know--almost all have seen my secret. I like men. That’s a fact and there’s been no throats slit.  They still smile when they see me.  They still look at my eye.  Some of them talk with me deeply about liking the guys.  They still play disc golf and Ultimate.  They still chat most all day.   They still turn on the ‘tendo and invite me to play. 

So I guess the dark voices that fertilize fear really shouldn’t have much of a place left in here.  The voice that should rule is the one that is kind. The meanest voice about the gay is the one in my mind. 

I’ve been called a faggot by no one but me.  I’ve been sent down to hell by the voice inside me.  I’ve heard the words I fear most no from friends or dear kin.  The words tipped with poison have come from within. 

The acceptance i need isn’t in life’s crowded hallway. It’s the bigot within I must struggle to slay.