Out Coming

Why do I want you to know I’m gay?

It’s not the overarching facet of my life. 

But it’s also not a minuscule fact.

It’s something I notice many times every day. 

I like men.  I’m attracted to them.  About half my world is like, so what.  That’s cool  NBD or no big deal.

And that’s what I want.  I want it to be no big deal.

So I want to make jokes about it.  I want to bring it up when I’m hanging with the guys and they say “dude, that chick is on fire”

When I’m with guys doing that I feel so normal.  And normalcy is not something I’ve experienced much.

For years, I told no one.  For years my mind would cycle over and over like some high speed carnival ride, each rotation included “you’re gay, such a queer, faggot.  If people knew they wouldn’t like you”

Those were the messages I had internalized.

Happily the messages of rejection are false.  I have been accepted by so many friends.  And it feels good.

So that is why I want to come out to you.  I want you to know this part of me.  I want you to see who I am.  And I want to once again know for sure I am safe to be me around you.

I want you to know, because my mind wants to get back on that nightmarish ride.  It wants to tell me you would reject me.  And well, I don’t think you would.  But even if you did, I’d rather it happen just once instead of a repetitive mental process.

So yeah. I’m gay.  Now what game should we play

Best Friend's Girl

You make him so happy. But now you leave and as strong as the sting has been seeing him less, the way you animate his soul makes me wish you would not leave. I gladly give up time with my friend, for his time with you. 

Not that I have much choice in the matter. Twelve times out of ten he’d pick you. As he should.

Short Poem

I laugh and I smile, 
But all the while, 
I’m a creature most vile
There is no denial
My love is on trial

U In?

I only dare write this anonymously. In college i had a strange infatuation with prank wars. i would spend hours day dreaming about the perfect toilet papering or filling someones house with rabid goats.

somehow i got the idea.... and i really don't know what possessed me. Somehow i got the idea that the ultimate prank would involve urine.

at this point i should mention somehow i didn't realize the purpose of prank wars was to get a girl to pay attention to you. seeing how i had not attraction to them, but didn't' know it. i thought the purpose of a prank war was to inflict distress.

anyway. I had a dream. a dream of filling the tub in some poor girls' apartment with urine. Wouldn't that just be the best prank ever? really? i mean they come in and they find 50 gallons of urine dumped into the tub.

yeah......... i don't think there are enough "."s to show how long that pause should be.

so i started saving. gallons and gallons of urine stored in milk jugs. In the bathroom. and while my depravity is certain, someone should also question why my roommates let me. why did they not stop me. if you see someone going down a destructive path, why do you not stop them

so, i became quite fond of my urine collection. It got chunky. i showed it off. I was such a dumb freshman.

one day, after i had amassed 40 gallons of urine, my roommate came to his senses. he begged me not to do this horrible thing. not to destroy these girls tender souls.

i looked at my chunky urine, and realized they did not deserve it. they didn't understand what i'd been through to create the urine.

so I hauled the gallons out to the dumpster.

gentle reader, i apologize for not having a story that ended with the urine being dumped in a tub, or accidentally spilling in my own house. but for 2 months, i had urine stored in my bathroom. i'm not proud of it........... but i am also not ashamed.