Neighbor, Hometeacher, Friend.

He's been teh only guy who's home taught me in years.  I was happy he came, for several reasons. It's good to be cared about.  It's good to have someone ask about your welbeing.  It's good to have a friend...And it's even all the better when he's one of those attractive men.  Not just in sight, but in person. 

He came, and i felt like we opened up and had a genuine conversation.  He said i was one of his best friends in the ward, which i found interesting.  I think men in general are so starved for friendship sometimes any little bit helps.  We talked about that, about how good it is to develop close relationships.  How good it is.   He is leaving, but he was grateful i had been nice to him--how interesting.  He seems to have it all.  He acknowledged that women don't give you everything, but men need men.

A culture change is coming.  The fear of close male friendship will leave us.  

He said a nice prayer for me, and we just naturally went in for a hug after.  He is a righteous man, and a good man, and a friend.  

I'm glad i had him as a hometeacher.  

I feel warm, comforted, loved, appreciated.  He thanked me for my example.  and said he knew i'd make it.  

Church Changing

Just my thoughts on it. Re, marriage and the homosexual

My understanding is that God does not want gay marriage. The plan is between a man an a woman, and kids.

That's how i live my life, either through a life of celibacy, (attempted) or possibly a marriage to a woman.

I think there is a blessing in following that

Could the gospel be changed, or at least my understanding of it?

yeah. I mean people used to go get sealed to Joseph smith in the temples. guys and ladies, from my understanding. It was different than marriage.

i guess in my mind i could see a way it could be accommodated in the church

BUT that does not mean i think it will or should be accommodated.

because, what the Lord has called me to do now, is to follow the prophet, to follow the gospel.

Much like the members of the genesis group.

But i think it is much more likely that the Lord doesn't change the teachings. And i'm not gonna live my life hoping that it does change.

There is a path laid out. I can be exalted without marriage in this life.

Will the atonement change? NO

Will the truthfulness of the priesthood change? NO

Will the commandments to love my neighbor and God change? NO

Will 95% of what i am taught at church change? probably not

The church is living, breathing, and revelation does continue to come. "we believe ...He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God"

we don't have it all yet folks.

So the key for me, is live what i do have, BUT not get stuck on the idea that the church is unchanging. cause we don't' know everything yet, but when change comes, it won't come from ME, it'll come from those at the head. And if i think change is being revealed to me, it isn't, and that'll open the path for me to be mislead.

Deck the Halls

Christmas!  For many people it appears to be one of the greatest transfers of childhood memories and family tradition. 

Just read about how different countries have entirely different traditions, and the staying power becomes apparant.  Sometimes added too, but pretty hard to subtract.

Thanksgiving by contrast is varied, sometimes we'll go to a buffet, sometimes extended family, sometimes the church, sometimes just four of us.

But Christmas,

oh the joys of the Christmas tradition. Gingerbread houses, reenacting the Nativity story, children all sleeping in the same room.  Cold Cereal for breakfast (which was a real treat, we never had that growing up)  and so much more.  Presents, Giant trees, outside lights. 

I love it all

then on New Years Eve, we put out our shoes, and teh New Years Elf, fills them with simple things, jerkey, candy, a inexpensive gift.

I love how it is done the same that it was in my father's house, and with things added from my mothers.


And yeah, the point of all this was i want to pass it on to my children.

along with so much more.

but, inspite of my blog name, i'm more of a confirmed bachelor than ever. 

Family Prayers

Shaking Sobbing, the mother dampens her pillow.

My son, the golden one, lost.  God bless him, he runs from you.  God bless him I don’t know what to do.  You’re all I need, and so should he be friends with you for eternity.

I’m scared for him.  He hurts so much.  Please take this curse away from him. Take this curse and stop the sin. I’m losing, he's slipping, he’ll be gone soon.  God save him, help me reach him.  Keep him from sin

The path to God, is straight and clear.  There’s only one way, and that’s what I most fear.  That he will leave.  That he won’t stay.  That he will try to get there by some other way. 

Boy. Man. Marriage. Child.  That’s the path for him.  That’s the path away from Sin.  Any other way, and he is falling prey, to lies and darkness he’s the devils prey.

 ----

Burning, yearning the son is full of passion.  Striving, to learn, striving to understand. 

He yells at God.  He is angry.  But he has started to know.  If the supreme being of the universe wanted to take it away, He could.  But he doesn’t.  There is something to learn here.

God why, God, I feel your love.  What is the path with this trial.  Why do they not understand.  Why do they feel I’m lost, and falling, when I feel I’m progressing.  Lord you are all I need…but I think you want more for me.  I think you want me to figure out this life.  This life of unscratchable itch.  To navigate it.  To love it. While not lusting in it.

God, I am Gay.  I don’t know what made me this way.  God.  I love you so, even though I curse your name from down below.  I am finding my way.  I am finding my way, I am with you today, and forever I pray

Marriage

I hear a lot of different opinions on marriage for ssa/gay mormons. 

Some saying the church says not to get married, some saying that it can fix it.

I appreciate this quote from Elder Oaks.  It aligns with where i stand

"PUBLIC AFFAIRS: Is heterosexual marriage ever an option for those with homosexual feelings?
ELDER OAKS: We are sometimes asked about whether marriage is a remedy for these feelings that we have been talking about. President Hinckley, faced with the fact that apparently some had believed it to be a remedy, and perhaps that some Church leaders had even counseled marriage as the remedy for these feelings, made this statement: “Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices.” To me that means that we are not going to stand still to put at risk daughters of God who would enter into such marriages under false pretenses or under a cloud unknown to them. Persons who have this kind of challenge that they cannot control could not enter marriage in good faith.
On the other hand, persons who have cleansed themselves of any transgression and who have shown their ability to deal with these feelings or inclinations and put them in the background, and feel a great attraction for a daughter of God and therefore desire to enter marriage and have children and enjoy the blessings of eternity — that’s a situation when marriage would be appropriate.
President Hinckley said that marriage is not a therapeutic step to solve problems."

from http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/interview-oaks-wickman-same-gender-attraction

Which means, i might get married, but i don't need to.  It won't remove my feelings, and there does need to be attraction to the partner.  Which i Have seen happen, some even saying their wife is the only person of the other gender they have ever been attracted to.

Now, i'm sure many of us have had parents, friends, church leaders or even ourselves worry  "if you don't get married in this life, you'll never be exhalted. 

That has never jived with me.  I don't think it's true.  I think the Lord is merciful and judges us on our heart.    Consider this passage from Lorenzo Snow

"A lady came into our office the other day and asked to see me on a private matter. She informed me that she felt very badly, because her opportunities for getting a husband had not been favorable. … She wanted to know what her condition would be in the other life, if she did not succeed getting a husband in this life. I suppose this question arises in the hearts of our young people. … I desire to give a little explanation for the comfort and consolation of parties in this condition. There is no Latter-day Saint who dies after having lived a faithful life who will lose anything because of having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished him or her. In other words, if a young man or a young woman has no opportunity of getting married, and they live faithful lives up to the time of their death, they will have all the blessings, exaltation and glory that any man or woman will have who had this opportunity and improved it. That is sure and positive. 

…

People who have no opportunity of marrying in this life, if they die in the Lord, will have means furnished them by which they can secure all the blessings necessary for persons in the married condition. The Lord is merciful and kind, and He is not unjust. There is no injustice in Him; yet we could scarcely look upon it as being just when a woman or a man dies without having had the opportunity of marrying if it could not be remedied in the other life. There would be injustice in that, and we know that the Lord is not an unjust being. My sister Eliza R. Snow, I believe, was just as good a woman as any Latter-day Saint woman that ever lived, and she lived in an unmarried state until she was beyond the condition of raising a family. … I cannot for one moment imagine that she will lose a single thing on that account. It will be made up to her in the other life, and she will have just as great a kingdom as she would have had if she had had the opportunity in this life of raising a family.^7"

^{Giving myself a pass on marriage, has really decreased my stress.  Realizng, i can be faithful, and not get married.  I needn't worry about being condemend.  I would love a family, and if somehow i become best friends with a lady-type and i am attracted to her, and kissing her is a fun activity, adn sometimes my heart rate rises when i'm around her, and she has similar responses to me, then great.  If not, I can be an awesome gay uncle, and travel.  Not as fun as being a dad, but still kinda fun.}  

^{So that's my take on marriage right now.  Feeling good.  Heck, maybe i need to change the name of the blog.  But that'd take time and stuff.}

^Note

^{Also, on referring to myself as gay rather than ssa...just trying it out.  I have issues, trying to get over hate and stuff.  I can be a gay mormon, and that doesn't mean i'm leaving the church.   the church lets people who identify as gay post on their mormon.org profiles.  It's a lot less wordy than same sex attraction.}  

 

The Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference

The source of their contempt, the Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference is in Provo this week.  Is great.  The purpose of the conference is to help people who want to stay in the church, or who aren't sure.  I went last year, it was very helpful.  It's also good for supporters of ssa people.  They have panels for church leaders and friends and family as well.


http://reconcilingfaithandfeelings.org/

Edited to remove link and reference to the group

Eat it Straighties, why you gotta be so girly!

http://www.feelguide.com/2013/11/03/scientists-discover-shape-differences-between-faces-of-gay-and-straight-men/

"New scientific findings from the Center for Theoretical Study at Charles University in Prague, and The Academy of Sciences of the Czech Republic, indicate there is a very clear difference between the faces of straight men and the faces of gay men.  Perhaps the most intriguing discovery in the mountain of data collected by the team is that the faces of gay men were consistently ranked as more masculine than the faces of straight men."

All in good fun.